I'm 23 years old, pursuing Master degree in computer science because I want to. I'm working as a Teacher in the university from where I'm studying, I make decent money to take care of myself.

I'm pursuing arts as a hobby, which includes my love of Martials arts (Karate) and music (learning to play flute). I'm living in a dysfunctional family, unable to show happiness/sadness without facing humiliation for no reason since it's a shaming culture here.

often times people look up to me as if I've done a lot, recently I told one of my old friends what I'm doing and she said, "wow, I can't even deal with a job and you do so much work, hats off man".

I was thinking, " and I think I'm not doing enough. ".... one of my wishes is to study PhD in Netherlands and stay there to get citizenship. I'll get a scholarship and first world citizen rights.

All of it just rushes me to believe that I'm not enough, or I'm useless, wasting my time, potential, myself.

I'm not looking for validation (or maybe I want someone to acknowledge my hard work), I want a way out of feeling this way.