I 35/F have been in a relationship with my partner 31/M for about 1.5 years, though we have been dating on and off since 2021. We have a really deep, special connection and have been through a lot together. The problem is his family. They used to love me, but then they found out that I cheated on him in the past and that obviously changed their opinion of me. He has completely forgiven me and he and I have worked through it — we’ve rebuilt our relationship into something much stronger, more honest, and intentional. But his parents don’t see that growth. For the past 5-6 months my bf has kept our renewed relationship a secret from them, and only recently worked up the courage to tell them a few weeks ago. When my boyfriend first told them he wanted to give our relationship another try, they were hesitant, expressed their disappointment and disapproval of my actions, but ultimately said they want my partner to be happy and if being with me makes him happy then they “will remain somewhat open-minded about the reunion, although she has a lot to prove”. They told him that if being with me made him happy, they would try to also give me a second chance. That gave us some hope and a lot of relief. But the other day, his mom randomly looked me up on social media (despite never being connected with her on any of my accounts/ my partner was unaware she even had social media) and found my Instagram. she saw some swimsuit/thirst-trap style posts I had made for a swimsuit brand collaboration, and another funny video of me twerking but in a funny manner. After that, everything changed. She told him I should be “ashamed and embarrassed,” that I’m not worthy of him, and that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Both of his parents now openly say they don’t believe our relationship can ever work. He stuck up for me and advocated for us, which his parents did not like. I want to prove through my actions that I’m trustworthy and committed, but I feel like I’m starting from such a deep hole. On top of that, my boyfriend has described the large amount of tension this has created because his parents are now treating him differently and said it’s been stressful and embarrassing for him. I don’t want to lose him over this, but I also don’t know how to change their opinion without making excuses for myself. we both feel we have a very healthy relationship that has potential to last, and we don’t want to end things over this. on the contrary, we both agree that family is everything, and having a significant other that is loved by our family and is integrated into the dynamic is a non negotiable for a spouse.

I’m willing to hear any advice or insight you can offer, but here’s a start for questions:

1. Has anyone ever successfully turned around a situation where their partner’s parents hated them? What worked (or didn’t)?

2. Should I try write a heartfelt letter, or is that overstepping since they already don’t want to hear from me? if so, what should i include?

3. How do I balance proving myself to them with not completely changing who I am or feeling like I’m begging for their approval?

4. Is there any way to explain that some of my posts are for brand deals without sounding like I’m just making excuses?

5. How do I best support my boyfriend when he feels embarrassed having to defend me to his family?

6. At what point do I consider whether this situation is unfixable, no matter how much we love each other?

TL;DR: I (35F) previously cheated on my partner (31M), but we worked through it and rebuilt a strong relationship. His parents were hesitant but said they’d stay open-minded when he told them we were back together. Then his mom found my Instagram and saw “thirst-trap” type content (swimsuit brand collabs that included sexy/revealing pics and videos of me) and now both parents have zero respect for me, say I should be “ashamed,” that I’m not worthy, and that our relationship won’t work. My boyfriend defended me, but it’s created major tension with his family and stress for him. We both want a long-term future where family is included, we also don’t want to ends things over this/ we’re both still committed to being together. Looking for advice on: • Winning over disapproving parents • Whether a heartfelt letter would help or hurt, and what should be included in the letter • How to prove myself without begging/losing who I am • How to support my bf through the tension • When to accept if it’s unfixable